Integrating Extremes: Aggression and Death in the Playroom by Lisa Dion

Author:Lisa Dion [Dion, Lisa]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Published: 2016-03-22T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter 6

Setting Boundaries

Sarah, age six, walked over to the toy shelf and quickly spotted the handcuffs. She picked them up and closely examined the lock, as if attempting to discover whether they’d do the job. When she turned around and looked directly at her therapist, his eyes widened and his breathing changed. He was visibly anxious. She ran toward him, grabbed his arm and tried to force it behind his back, but he pulled his arm away from her. “We can’t do that in here,” he said. “It’s not okay to handcuff me.” Sarah was stunned. Her body language and facial expression spoke volumes. She thought she’d done something terribly wrong.

I saw this exchange during a play therapy session observation. I’m sharing this story to shed light on new possibilities. We’ve all set boundaries out of fear or frustration and then questioned whether the boundary was actually necessary or regretted the way we’d gone about it. Setting boundaries is an extremely important and somewhat controversial topic. There are many beliefs and ideas about how to do it, when to do it and even why a therapist needs to do it, but the vast majority of therapists I meet don’t have a lot of clarity about when, how and why to set a limit.

We have to stop and ask ourselves this important question: What is the point of the boundary?

I’ve asked my students this question hundreds of times, and inevitably their responses are something like “I don’t know. Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?” or “The child can’t act like that in the session. I have to teach them appropriate ways to behave” or “It’s not okay for me or my toys to be treated that way.”

Before we explore a new way of understanding and working with boundaries, answer the following question.

Reflection:

Take a moment and think about why you set boundaries in the playroom? (It might help to think of a child you have set a boundary with and answer the question with that child in mind.) Take another moment to write your answers down.

Your answers are not right or wrong. What you’ve written is information about your beliefs and your window of tolerance. As you read this chapter, I encourage you to reflect on your answers. When you finish the chapter, read your written response and see if you’d like to revise or add to it in any way.

Boundaries Are Personal!

What I’m about to introduce might conflict with other ideas you’ve heard about setting boundaries. If you find yourself shaking your head, furrowing your brow or pursing your lips, that’s great! As play therapists, it’s important for us to question our thinking and be open to shifting our paradigms regarding what “should” or “shouldn’t” happen in a play therapy session.

Reflection:

Read what you wrote down. How much of it is based on a “should” or a belief about what is appropriate behavior?

Therapists can find themselves struggling with an internal conflict the moment they think a boundary might be necessary.

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